It's easier to be in a relationship in the beginning, the first flames keep the fire burning, but when you are in a long-term committed relationship, how do you keep it strong? Dating expert Mr L.Rx dishes up some choice tips here:
The Gist of It
- Having a “future” is the essence of a relationship, it is the “why” in “why we have a relationship”.
- In order for a relationship to last long and stay strong, you have to keep setting goals together, this helps you see some sort of future together.
- If you have already achieved your mutual goals like moving in, getting married, having kids, you should never forget to create more goals to keep the relationship going.
Many a male, young and old, has shared this little tale with me: “I have no trouble walking up to women and talking to them, but I never seem to get anywhere. I don’t ever get any dates.”
“Worse yet, I don’t know if I am even trying to get a date. Actually, I am waiting for the girl to suggest that we do something together. What am I doing wrong?
If you have this same problem, it sounds like you are not seeking to the establishing of a ‘future’. The concept of ‘future’ is an interesting but very overlooked dating and relating factor. In fact, ‘future’ is the essence of a relationship – it is the ‘why’ in “Why we have a relationship.”
Everyone Wants a Future
If we didn’t care about ‘future’, our dating and love lives would be different. We would simply wake up in the morning, go about our lives and randomly hook up with someone for some romantic pleasure, then go our merry ways respectively.
While there are a few people who do live their lives this way, most of us care about the future. We want to hook up with someone romantically whom we can also hook up with in the future over and over again.
Most of us are concerned with the future – and yes – it is the driving force behind the concept of a relationship, yet it is seldom talked about and there is little education on this topic with respect to dating and relationships.
So let’s break the mould and start addressing it. Because, understanding and creating ‘future’ makes meeting women, attracting women, and relating to women much less difficult.
All of these activities start, survive and end on the concept of ‘future’. But it is key to remember that it is not just ‘future’ alone – it is ‘future’ mixed with acceptable activity in the future.
Keep Creating a Future Together
As you get through the first stage of attracting the girl, there comes a point where you start working together as a team pursuing mutual goals – house, car, boat, vacations, kids, etc.
The thing you have to remember about this is that the process of working together as a team is more important than the things you obtain as a team. Teamwork is like ‘glue’ that holds a couple together.
Sometimes when a couple achieves some of the goals that are the objects of their teamwork, they forget to replace those goals with new ones. Sooner or later, if you don’t replace old goals with new ones, you run out of things to work together on.
I’ve seen so often a couple who gets engaged, married, has children, gets a nice house and car –then stop setting goals and their teamwork disappears.
Sometimes, it doesn’t even go that far. Sometimes they both have a simple goal like moving in together. They do that and then stop creating team projects.
You Need to Keep Setting Goals Together
Like the need to continue to do the things you did to attract her, working together to achieve goals and solve problems is the expanded foundation of a relationship. As long as you keep working together as a team and setting new goals to accomplish, you will continue to create a healthy satisfying relationship.
Goals don’t always have to be mutual goals. Sometimes a couple helps each other on personal goals. They work together as a team to get him to lose 10 pounds. They work together as a team to get her a better job.
Doing that creates the relationship in a healthy manner. Telling your girl: “You’d better lose 10 pounds or I am out of here” doesn’t. Telling the guy he’d “better get a better job” or you are gone doesn’t create a relationship either.
These kinds of attitudes make you enemies or opponents rather than teammates. Mutual goals are common ‘opponents’ – these make you teammates in fighting against obstacles towards achieving your goals.
I can go on and on and on, on this topic, but I think you get the point. Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart or drifting away.
What kind of goals are you setting together right now? Let us know in the comments below or on our Facebook page!